Archive | November 2015

The hunger games

Today, in this very early morning I thought of you as I run water on my car and wiped it with that unused blue car wiper. I remembered you as the water and the rug slowly erased the hearts drawn by the neighborhood kids on my cars back shield. I cannot count the number of strategies and tactics I have done to try and forget you. I won’t forget you, I realized. Unless I bump my head on something that will cause me some form of amnesia, my memories will be intact.

We both have grown. We both have grown apart. And I have moved on from the wishful thinking and the hurt.

In all these, I realized I was fighting in my own hunger games. And yes, at this point, I consider myself the winner in my own arena. After all the years of tremendous pain I had to go through, the heartaches, the wishful thinking, the planning of how to forget the hurt, the executing of the plan, the continues journey of embracing the woman that I am — I have grown and matured. Pain truly makes a person.


The change that happened. From 180 lbs in June 2014 when I started my healthy weight loss Journey, I am now down to 127 lbs (as of Nov 30, 2015).  Photos of me in April 2014 and Nov 2015.

I am no longer the woman who begged and cried. I am no longer the fat, obese, shy woman who considers herself unattractive and unworthy. I am no longer that woman who craved and hungered for love and attention as if those combo is the end-all-be-all of her existence. I am no longer that woman who smiled and laugh when people bullies her about her looks while hurting deep down inside and pretending on the outside that it wasn’t affecting her.

I changed. I become confident and matured in the way I look at the events and people in my life. I stopped crying. I stopped thinking about the what-ifs. I have grown. I become physically fit, healthy, and emotionally secured. I am loving the present. I look forward to the future.


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Looking back, I realized that I wouldn’t have become the woman that I am now if you didn’t leave me. I realized that I would have not loved myself and took care of myself if I didn’t lose you. I wouldn’t have found my confidence and my self-worth if you stayed. Thank you for leaving me.

A new life has become. I emerged the woman that I am today: stronger and more confident. Loving myself is no longer an option but a must in my continuing journey.

The sun shines again. The rain feels cool on my skin. And the stars look like tiny, beautiful, hanging jewels once more.

What a journey it has been!


5 things you can do to bring back your self-esteem

Things can get tough sometimes and you could feel hollow, empty, and alone.  When you are feeling like you are losing grip on your own worth and frustrations are piling up. When you are feeling like your emotions are sucking you up and no one cares. When you want to get out and escape. Then just do it!

Here are 5 things you can do to get a grip on yourself, have fun, and bring back your self-esteem.

1) Prepare your backpack. Yes. Go out and pack your t-shirts, walking shorts, pants, headset, iPod, jammies, your camera, and your personal necessities. Pack some food and water and get some cash. Get out of your apartment and leave. Do not turn back.

2) Go out and have a joyride. Go to the nearest bus stop or get inside your car and drive. However you want to do it, just get out of your house and explore what is outside the city. Enjoy the view of the lush greeneries and the pineapples growing on the farm. You may even want to stop and buy some fresh fruits on the provincial streets. Eat some street food. The street foods isaw and betamax are definitely a thrill-of-a-cuisine. It takes lot of courage to eat it but you will not regret it. Breathe some fresh air, put your hands on the air, stretch, and take loads of selfie.

3) Go to theme parks. Go to the Magic Kingdom, err, the Enchanted Kingdom. Located away from the big city and in a sprawling space in Sta. Rosa, Laguna, Philippines, this Philippine version of Walt Disney’s theme parks will give your heart all the thrill it needs to pump it up. Ride the roller coasters, the water splash, and the sudden drop. Whatever you do, let loose and ride on everything that will thrill you. You will find that the world is so big and so much fun.


4) Go to the beach. Drive your car and head over to Canyon Cove in Nasugbo, Batangas. Wade and soak yourself into the clean waters of the Batangas Sea or enjoy the clean waters of the huge swimming pools. Drink some fresh mango shakes from their fruit bar at the pool side. Indulge in fresh coconut juice sans the sugar, of course. Feel the sexy vibe that healthy fresh fruits can bring you. Socialize with people. Meet some strangers. Smile, talk, laugh. Just go out and enjoy.


5) Sing at the Karaoke. Go to the bar and have some tequila or a bottle of margarita. Better yet, bring your friends and rent a karaoke room for yourselves. The Karaoke Bars at Dampa, Roxas avenue will spoil you with freezing daiquiris for a cost you can ignore. Belt your voices to the songs of Beyonce. Feel like a diva and sing Mariah. Or if you are feeling like a rock star, pack your karaoke song selections with Pink and Alanis.

Life is short and a tease my friends. Why let that inner conflict make you miss the fun? Go out and shout “erase”. Yes. Erase that urge to sulk into your sadness. Get out let loose. And have fun.